The Big and bad day.

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Some days feel like being a vacuum-cleaner trying to get rid of all the snow, not knowing its not what it seems to be. That feeling when darkness is safer than this world, when the things that gave joy the day before are tinted and horrible.

I had a boyfriend. He made me laugh with my heart opened and tender, loving everything fiercely. When I thought about coming home, resting in his arms, everything could be endured. The beauty was in his every word, it sent chills down my spines and made air unnecessary. I went all miles worth going, without training or help, because the finish line delivered the smile of my life. I longed for it, devoured it and lost it.

He shall know that what I am, right now broken but still strong, came from him. I could be myself, I did not care what the world thought about me because I was fine, everything was fine. I put jealousy, my faithful warder, in his own prison and kept it at bay. I drowned poison seeping though the cracks with infectious care and forgiveness. I learned that to lose control is gaining it, even if I now stand here alone.

I lost this person, who gave me his water necessary for growing. I will love him for that, and true love sometimes involves letting go.

I see you running in the fields. Flowers around you, laughter and joy. I thought it would be me, there by your side, but I tripped and lost my chance.

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One thought on “The Big and bad day.

    A Year in the Life of PTSD said:
    October 10, 2012 at 03:43

    This is hauntingly beautiful!

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