the set of values I try to live by
Have you got a code you live by? What are the principles or set of values you actively apply in your life?
We all have principles, but having them is not the same as being able to live by them. Mine is being tolerant and trying to understand the people around me. In my work, I get the chance to do this every day. That also mean that I have to understand acts that people might think of as wrong. It can be the unfaithful wife, or an abusive father. Some ways of living is harder to understand than others. It is easy to feel empathy towards those who have been wronged, but I find it often important to understand why someone inflict pain on others. Why is this necessary? Because circumstances can make all of us walk on a path we rather not walk down. Let’s take some of the people who hurt others in war. They might experience nightmares, and feel so much shame over what they did. Many regret, and if you understand and not judge what they did, it is easier to forgive themselves and thereby moving on. Many change their way and live productive lives where they start helping others. We have to remember that. Most sex offenders want to change, and the best way to do so is starting a new life. Their motivation to do so, might be stronger than for most people and that meant they can be a resource in society. By forgiving themselves, they are in a better position to use their energy on living a life that reflects their values. Because we all have values, and being freed from what you did ‘wrong’ frees energy that went into shame and regret. So that is why my values is to be tolerant. By understanding what can be hard to understand I can be the mirror that makes my patients see that there is hope. There is always hope.
Mirrorgirl 
March 27, 2015 at 21:08
I think hope is an amazing thing to give. It can literally save a life!
March 27, 2015 at 21:22
I do agree with you:)
March 27, 2015 at 21:15
Thank you for your thoughts on this. In my view we are all the products of circumstances- causes and conditions-and we all suffer and we all do things ‘we’ or ‘others’ think is ‘wrong’. The purpose of looking backwards and talking about reasons or causes is so that we can find the grounds of forgiveness (Of others or ourselves- and the later is the hardest). I am not a great believer in the contemporary mantra that we all had or have choice, except as a tool to move forwward. That is, we think of determinism when we look back and freedom when we look forward, neither are ‘true’ they tools for forgiveness and change respectively. Under these circumstances, and given that we all connected together, then compassion is the only stance that makes sense. Not only do unto others as you would be done by, but also, what you do to others you do to your self. I value compassion, honesty, integrity, kindness, self-reflection, reverence for life, gratitude, and wholeheartedness. Of course I do not act accordingly all the time: they signposts, directions to move in. I do the best I can, as we all do. I believe then that all can be forgiven and all are worthy of love. Best wishes, Chris.
March 27, 2015 at 21:22
Thank you Chris for a very nuanced comment. I do agree that sometimes we don’t really have a choice, like when people live in poverty and can’t get education or the chance to live the life they want. But I honestly do believe that with help and hard work, Change can happen. You have some attitudes and thought I admire, it sounds like you have lived a life where you have learnt some important lessons, or you’re simply a person who grew up with an inquisitive mind.