15 years ago 

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15 years ago my best friend died after a car hit her. She was on her way to school, probably walking while dreaming about her future. About the things she wanted to do, the day coming up. Off course, I don’t know this. But I knew her. I know she lived her life everyday, without fear. She had just had her 16th birthday, one week before she died. Almost an adult, but with so many years in front of her. 

People say that often the best people die first. I know this is a cliche, and that sometimes we forget the negative after someone dies. But I know the reality of what we experienced together. How she made me laugh about anything. Forgetting the people around us, making me feel so happy. I remember her smile, her wisdom beyond her years.

I never forgot her. I also couldn’t stop the pain of feeling torn in two. The tears that never stopped, the funeral where I sang for her. Where I went to the front of the church to tell her how much she meant to me. The way I couldn’t cope with others smiling, laughing together. How dark the world got, my nightmares. 

Today she is still there. The guilt over me surviving when she didn’t. And her voice, telling me not to be stupid. That she wants me to live life to the fullest. That I owe her to experience the things I couldn’t.

I will never forget you. And I’m glad. I’m glad for every second we spent together. 

2 thoughts on “15 years ago 

    lindalanger6 said:
    October 25, 2015 at 21:02

    I understand. The words you spoke could have come out of my heart. I had one of those friends, too. Be kind to yourself.

    awax1217 said:
    October 25, 2015 at 21:59

    As a teacher I have lost many students. I have gone to funerals for those whose future was shortened by death. I tried to make sense of it but there is no rhyme or reason to death. We are fleeting and at the end it is all to sad. Now I am seventy and I have seen my generation deleted by time. We were going to change the world and we failed. Or maybe not. Remember your friend and strive on. I have read your work and your soul is pure. That is the greatest tribute you have to remember the girl who has left us. Carry on for yourself and her and maybe in the future for me.

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