Today has been an exhausting day at work. With five client consultations where two of them were new patients, my head was so overloaded at the end of the day that I actually had an headache, something I normally don`t get. In between the sessions, people came into my office with urgent matters. A social worked contacted me after a conversation she had with a patient we have, unsure about what to do now. I did not come with any useful suggestions, as I am not certain what the next steps should be. In addition I also had to get some things for the city marathon on Saturday, so in the end I had to work longer than I should have.
Thankfully, when I came home, I had a 15 minute run. I am proud to say 15 minutes is quite an accomplishment, since I normally give up whenever I find an excuse. But when I keep on running, it gets better.
Now I feel good. The head-ache is completely gone, but I still think about my day at work. Since I started working with psychosis I have felt like I`m walking on thin ice. I have almost no experience, and yet dont know what questions I should ask or how I can move forward in a conversations. Some of the conversations are even a bit confusing, since they often have thoughts they have problems with explaining, or speak in an unorganized way. The contrast to my other patients is huge, so it is getting some time to get used to.
But, it has also been an interesting experience, and I am learning so much. About their deep fear, about how their minds try to organize the chaos inside. Out comes symbolic hallucinations, and sometimes delusions that might be a last resort for them to find meaning in the voices, or the feeling they have of somebody planting thoughts in their had. I have immense respect for their fight to get a better life, and my collages are equally amazing. So empathic, understanding and clever. That makes it easier, because I can talk with them about my uncertainties when I feel I have no idea about what I`m doing.
Time to get to bed, but I just needed to let out some steam.