Some stories bury themselves deep into your soul, leaving marks and holes. When the marks are gone, scars appear to remind you not to forget. This story did that to me. From now on, I will not forget. I will not forget that there is always hope, no matter how terrible your life was. Because this book is about extreme abuse. This post might be triggering, so refrain from reading further if you can be triggered.
I have just read Scared Selfless by Michelle Stevens. It is hard to describe how important this book was to me. Working as a psychologist myself, this was like finding the famous needle in the haystack. When I stumbled upon it on audible, i knew it was about trauma, but I had no idea that it also was about multiple personality disorder and that the author (a psychotherapist) was the one sharing her story. When I first listened to it, my boyfriend heard the first chapter too. Unfortunately, he couldn’t stomach the horrible abuse Stevens has experienced as he started to think about his own daughters. For me, it was impossible to stop listening. It was such an emotional journey, taking me from despair to horror and then hope. There has been such a long time since a book managed to evoke these feelings in me, and I realized one thing: Humans must keep searching for stories like these, that reminds us there’s always hope; That we truly are survivors, no matter what we’ve experienced. I will take this book with me in all conversations with my lovely clients from now on. And if I ever feel hopelessness, or that I can’t offer anything more, I shall remember that is just not true. By loving what you do and remembering why you do it, we can all change lives. Ourselves and others.
“A riveting memoir that takes readers on a roller coaster ride from the depths of hell to triumphant success.”—Dave Pelzer, author of A Child Called “It”
Michelle Stevens has a photo of the exact moment her childhood was stolen from her: She’s only eight years old, posing for her mother’s boyfriend, Gary Lundquist—an elementary school teacher, neighborhood stalwart, and brutal pedophile. Later that night, Gary locks Michelle in a cage, tortures her repeatedly, and uses her to quench his voracious and deviant sexual whims. Little does she know that this will become her new reality for the next six years.
Michelle can also pinpoint the moment she reconstituted the splintered pieces of her life: She’s in cap and gown, receiving her PhD in psychology—and the university’s award for best dissertation.
The distance between these two points is the improbable journey from torture, loss, and mental illness to healing, recovery, and triumph that is Michelle’s powerful memoir, Scared Selfless.
Michelle suffered from post‐traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and depression, and made multiple suicide attempts. She also developed multiple personalities. There was “Chelsey,” the rebellious teenager; “Viscous,” a tween with homicidal rage; and “Sarah,” a sweet little girl who brought her teddy bear on a first date.
In this harrowing tale, Michelle, who was inspired to help others heal by becoming a psychotherapist, sheds light on the all-too-real threat of child sexual abuse, its subsequent psychological effects, and the best methods for victims to overcome their ordeals and, ultimately, thrive. Scared Selfless is both an examination of the extraordinary feats of the mind that are possible in the face of horrific trauma as well as Michelle’s courageous testament to their power.
Thank you Stevens, for sharing your story.
If you are a survivor of abuse yourself this homepage might be of help. Finding a good therapist can help too. Don’t be afraid of trying to find help, it can help you to heal.