Longing for sleep

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Sometimes I fall asleep from exhaustion after my son. He sleeps peacefully but wakes often, waking me from the blissful deep sleep that I so crave.

Being a mother is tough. ESPECIALLY when your tired and have to be there anyway. I take him out with the pram often and sit at cafes with and without company so he can enjoy this exciting world with all the people in it. I change smelly diapers and talk to him. I try to read even if he is more interested in putting the book in his mouth.

If he starts to sleep better, that would make everything easier so I cross my fingers.

Any parents out there who at are going through the same and tell me if there is light at the end of the tunnel?

New hairstyle
With his sister

7 thoughts on “Longing for sleep

    skinnyhobbit said:
    October 7, 2019 at 12:37

    I’m not a parent, but I do hope you can grab some naps! It sounds so difficult to be a parent.

      mirrorgirl responded:
      October 7, 2019 at 12:51

      Luckily I slept better today, so that helps a lot. I surely appreciate the days when I’ve slept better much more than earlier, so there is always a silver lining 🙂 how are you?

        skinnyhobbit said:
        October 7, 2019 at 13:07

        I’m glad you slept better today! Friends who are parents tell me the first year is really tough. Then come the terrible twos and threes… Ohh, the challenges just change with the years.

        There seems to be a movement in my country and Norway (fiance’s country) towards positive parenting, which I find really heartening.

        Since you asked how I am…This might sound weird, I’m not intending to be awkward… I actually didn’t know (or I forgot!) you used to work with complex trauma patients.

        I understand you work with a different population now, I hope you enjoy your work whereever you go.

        It’s just weird because my fiance and I both have complex trauma from abuse, and as I work on my visa to move to Norway to marry him, I’ve been scared shitless about what seems to be a lack of mental health care in his municipality (near Trondheim). I heard some pretty depressing things, and basically told myself I would be left to fend for myself as I won’t meet criteria for the Norwegian PMHC (personality disorder, multiple diagnoses, failed rounds of CBT in my own country)

        I assume you live somewhere less rural, but my basic point is just literally 10 minutes ago, I read your profile bio and was like “trauma therapist in Norway?!” and suddenly felt some hope.

        mirrorgirl responded:
        October 7, 2019 at 13:13

        I have also heard that the twos and upwards can be difficult, and I think it helps knowing that, it won’t take me so much by surprise then!

        I will go back working with all types of patient groups after my pregnancy leave, and where I work (in Bergen) there are a lot of good trauma therapists, but the tendency in Norway and probably other counties as well, is less time with every patient. I don’t know how the treatment options in Trondheim are, though, but there will always be therapists around who are educated and truly interested in helping however they can. What treatment have you tried before and was it effective ? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

        skinnyhobbit said:
        October 7, 2019 at 13:29

        I’m so glad there’s generous pregnancy leave (and paternal / for your spouse leave too!) in Norway!

        My partner is always telling me Norwegians are happy to pay tax to take care of each other. I’d be happy too, we did the math and I would earn more working as a cleaner in his municipality than my IT job. And how honest work gets a living wage — very different from my reality in my country.

        He was someone whom the system helped makes things better (despite the abuse he suffered), and today he loves his teaching job where he teaches them about abuse in social sciences.

        I’ve had:
        > Solution focused brief therapy (ineffective, was victim blamed, referred up fortunately)
        > Standard (not trauma focused) CBT (ineffective but the therapist recognised I had complex trauma and referred me)
        > Currently doing REALLY well and targeting transformative personality change (aiming to no longer meet personality disorder criteria) with a trauma psychologist who uses ACT, DBT and schema therapy. She deemed EMDR to be unsuitable, because she’s not at level 2 or 3 where it can be used with clients who dissociate. 🙂 We’re working on healing enough (healing will be lifelong after all) for me to be able to move to Norway to join my fiance.

        My fear would be becoming a parent, then having my dissociative amnesia break, triggering PTSD since I still struggle with trauma symptoms, and parenting is said to be the biggest triggers for a survivor. 🙂

        mirrorgirl responded:
        October 7, 2019 at 17:04

        I am so glad you’re doing well and that you’ve already experienced therapy that works for you! That is also a very good start if you find a therapist here in Norway, make sure to bring a copy with a summarization of the work you’ve done and what you found helpful, and that might be a good way of making sure that you get more of what worked already. When it comes to having children, I see what you mean. At the same time it sounds like you are working very hard with your challenges and that is a much better base than if you got children and not have done anything to help yourself before.

        There is also a lot of emdr therapists in Norway, but not easy to know beforehand who has the level 2 or 3 training. At emdr.no there is a list of all trained emdr therapists and where they work. It might also be an idea to send an email to Modum bad to ask for recommendations when it comes to therapists familiar with treating dissociation around Trondheim, I have asked them before (for Bergen) and they had several names to give me.

        I hope that the progress you have experienced so far continues, and no matter what; every step forward is important and can be reused if life gets difficult again.

        I also hope you will come here to Norway, it is a good country to live in!

        skinnyhobbit said:
        October 7, 2019 at 18:14

        Saving your comment to process later. You are very kind and you have given me hope! My partner isn’t familiar with the system as he has no diagnosed conditions despite his traumatic history and trying to get help from his GP for some awful panic attacks from a stress breakdown.

        I might not ever birth kids from my body (trauma related) but I might become an aunt, and him an uncle, so we REALLY want to be safe adults for any and all babies/kids/teens/young adults in our lives.

        I love every day I spend with my partner in Norway, I was fortunate to spend close to 3 months there this summer! 🙂 I have to get my mental health together enough to move on the fiance visa. I keep overthinking sometimes, because I am not a skilled jobseeker, I have complex trauma, my own country doesn’t accept me (LGBTQ), so I stress out worrying Norway won’t want me. The only thing I have to offer is the ability to work REALLY hard (50 hour weeks are my norm, partner said that’s ridiculous in Norway) and the willingness to do any job that I can get. 🙂

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