personal

The sound of sliding doors

Posted on Updated on


At the moment I am listening to several audiobooks at once. Most of them relate to the same theme: Parallel universes. Some might have seen the movie “sliding doors” and if you are like me, it is interesting to philosophize about how life would have been if we made different choices. I am often stuck in my past, trying to fix my mistakes until my head aces. It is almost like ice-cream melting and dripping on the floor: The sweetness blended with the dirt on the floor. The bitter-sweetness of it all, is tiresome. I am really trying hard not to let this effect me, and to trust the universe. In my heart of hearts, I do believe that everything will make sense in the end. That I will find the right door, finding my faith at the other side. In fact, this dream has been with me since I made my first song as a teenager. The lyric goes like this:

“This is magic. What we search for now. Love is the ingredient to the things we search for. In the dark of the night, we will find it. It will lie on the floor, like an open door. And then I see this magic thing. I will pick it up with no regret at all. The magic thing that is you”

Are you my mystical, magical object? Have I found the key that will open the right doors? Am I finally able to get out of the labyrinth my mind has created?

I think you are.

 

mirrorgirl-2

Protected: The sound of soulmates

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: The sound of running up that hill

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Blurred lines

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: The sound of angels crying

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: The sound of fleeting moments

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Why having friends is more important than anything else

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: The sound of someone I used to know

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Looking at my mirror

Posted on Updated on


This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

The sound of falling into the grave 

Posted on


Have you ever been close to death? If you have, you might have experienced how time can stretch out, giving you time to think and react in an almost impossible way. People who’re in car accidents describe how their whole life  are replayed in their mind, in mere seconds. A million of thoughts soar through them at the same time, and milliseconds feels like minutes. 

One day many years ago I feel into a grave. Not an ordinary grave, but a hole in the ground used to fix buses. At that time, I was in a relationship with an employee at a bus company, were he repaired buses. On that particular day, I joined him at work, and wanted to explore his work place. He was immersed in repair-work, so I started to get bored from waiting for him to finish. I said I would take a round inside the building, and would be back soon. He nodded his agreement absentmindedly, and I started to walk around. My eyes took in the fascinating place around me, but I didn’t look beneath me. It was completely dark, just some lights from the windows. My steps echoed in the hall that was empty except for busses. I was so intrigued by it all, that I just kept on going, taking it all in. I remember clearly my last step before I fell. Suddenly there was nothing under my feet, and I started plunging to what I thought would be my death. Time stopped and began at the same time. I was flooded with memories and thoughts that were surprisingly clear. I saw my brother, and knew he would miss me when I was gone. At the same time I thought: ‘What happened?’ and ‘How far down is it, will I die?’. I had no time to be scared, I was more shocked than terrified. It felt like I fell forever, so I thought I was falling really far and that I would hit the ground and break my neck. After what was merely a second, I hit the bottom with a thud. 

I was so surprised that I still lived. Relief flooded through me at the same time as I wondered if this was heaven. But heaven was awfully dark, so I hoped I might still be on earth and not in the ever-after. Is this how Alice felt when she fell into the rabbit hole? 

My boyfriend had heard the thump, and while I was still in the land of confusion, he came running towards the grave. I don’t quite remember how he got me out of it, but I remember the relief. I was really still here, and I was unharmed. Somehow my body had reacted automatically, and protected me from the impact. My leg hurt a little, but I was actually smiling and felt no pain. Adrenaline was still pumping, making me feel more alive than I’ve ever been. 

It is strange how much can happen in just one second.