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Feeling ready and not at the same time. Thousand ways to find release, but only one you want. An addicted brain, longing for the impossible. Because the possible is too easy, you don’t have to work hard for it.
I keep working. And working. Doing everything I love and seeing everyone I want. Still this restlessness. Will it be there all the time? Is it a friend that never leaves me?
Luxury wrapped in nothingness. I can use my new piano app, I can sit down and write on these white pages, and I can drink tea and eat whenever I want. The clock is in the background, where it reminds me of an important life lesson; That every minute is mine to use however I want.
Sometimes I think and plan, sometimes I just DO things. I write emails, listen to music, read books and go for a walk. Memories pop up as I`m reminded of similar moments to those lived and read about, and I try to imprint it all to my new memory. I like to know that my brain is occupied with learning and writing its own stories. That the knitting inside of me follows the patterns of my surroundings. When I learnt my first knitting technique yesterday, my neurons adapted so my fingers could pull and twist the thread in the right direction. When my fingers glide over the piano tiles on the screen, my neurons learn and applaud my fingers on. It`s so much to be happy about, and I am.
I appreciate the time I have so much, and it scares me that one day, it will all end. It will be dark. No more learning, no more memories and no more looking back. When the inner impatience awakens, I still remind myself that no matter how many years, minutes and seconds I have left, I still must do one thing at once. Sure, I can move back and worth between different activities, but I must stay in the moment while I do it. When I sing, I enjoy every tone, and when I write, I love the feeling of my fingers gliding over the keyboard. No one can take any of this from me. It`s mine, and I can keep it as long as my neurons want.
This summer I will have the chance to scan my brain in a machine. I`ve always wanted that, since I find it exciting to «see» the mystery that is me, on a page in front of me. I also like the idea that is more and more tangible today: To record my dreams and thoughts. They have already done this in Japan, and if they`d ask, I would say yes immediately. But I also read an interesting article in a magazine, that focused on how looking into ourselves, can become too much. We must be careful when threading the line, to keep away from self-absorption and egotism. Its interesting to know oneself, but I find it really thrilling when I discover the minds and ideas of others. The fascination is in the difference; Especially when I notice how their mindset is qualitatively different from mine. When you get that «pull» from a new, brilliant moment in someone else`s mind, I feel happy. I feel lucky to experienece it, and to understand that I might have been wrong.
Some Cities are So great that one feels compelled to write about them. As I'm sitting in the royal Danish library the need rises. They have a superb cafe at the first floor, where they serve warm juice with different spices, warming my cold insides. I've been walking around for some time now, so arriving here was just what I needed. I just finished one tasty piece of a long Danish dark bread with fruits and seeds, and am now ready to explore the place. One day later I'm sitting lying in bed after breakfast and excerscise at thE hotel. I can see the new day shining on the rows of cars rolling in on the parking space. The clock is 08.11 and I feel good. My plan was stand-up and a cocktail course afterwards, yesterday evening. But as I sat sipping my one beer, I got so drowsy that I stayed in and went to bed early. I woke up fresh, happy I chosen not to stress from one place to another. I also understood that I am really getting older, or more mature, if you prefer. I don't mind this, however, as I feel content most of the time. It's calmer and more pleasant all in all, and since I have done my share of experiencing, I don't miss doing something new or meeting new people. In fact I feel pleasure from small interactions: Yesterday gave me several of those. I sent and received many 'snaps', I attended a hearing in the Danish parliament where I wrote with Rasmussen Hoff while listening to him and others, I asked the girl next to me what the name of another politican was, I helped a man in the elevator with what the numbers at his card meant, saying 'you'll have a great view', smiled to a stranger after he smiled to me and talked with a woman and a man after I manage to fall from my bycycle for no reason whatsoever. These small meeting, in addition to FaceTime or Facebook chats, is life for me. I love the warmth in every one of them, and know we will remember each other. Travelling alone prepares me for meeting like these, and even if I have the best memories from travelling with friends or boyfriends, there is something appealing with the time to reflect and do other things while enjoying relationships at the same time. In fact, I've got many memories from just sitting on a bench observing life around me, taking it all in.
I wish everyone a wonderful weekend, as I'm preparing for mine
Look at the poster in the left corner. A lot of them in Copenhagen today. I also went inside the psychological university to see how it looked:)
Have tried to not buy too much, but who can resist stores like these ?
I would have bought this for my apartment if I didn't have to carry it with me for such a long distance. Maybe someone can make it for me one day, or I can learn to do it myself (fits perfectly to other details In the new apartment)
|Three cute girls on top of the Empire S. From the left:Torunn, Andrine and Astrid|
The same paranoia had stretched all the way to Maryland, where the same thing happened again. I and Elizabeth were on the Annapolis Maritime Museum, but after going through a security check (I saw many of these in the U.S.) we were told that I couldn`t get in, since I did not bring my Norwegian passport, which meant they couldn`t know who I was. The lady who said this had a stern, serious voice, so we cleverly pulled back, while I quelled the familiar rebellion over what I found an inflexible system.
|Bought from ‘ the ink pad “|
|I collect refrigerator-magnets, and have already added the two I bought in NY|
- New York, 2012. (midgetsmiles.wordpress.com)
- 28 Things I Would Do If I Visited New York (stilettosandtequila.wordpress.com)
- New York (tildepettersson.wordpress.com)
- New York Travel Photography – Brooklyn Bridge, Brooklyn Bridge Park – Photo a Day (travelingwithkrushworth.wordpress.com)
Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, frequently tops tables for its
quality of life, GDP (Gross Domestic Product), healthcare, education and
- From New York to New Jersey (eleanorq.wordpress.com)
- New York Photo Diary (Day 2) (datuknows.com)
- New York Travel Photography – Brooklyn Bridge, Brooklyn Bridge Park – Photo a Day (travelingwithkrushworth.wordpress.com)
In four weeks I will be in New York together with 3 friends. I arrive on the 10th of September and we go bach early the 17th. The time zone will be completely different from in Norway, so I am a bit nervous about how that will work out. I have never been in America before, and people have especially recommended New York as one of those cities you absolutely have to visit once in a life time. Since we only have 5 proper days, this time, I will not get to see everything, but I would still love to know what I should prioritize. For those who`s been there before: What would you recommend? And: If some of my readers actually live there, what about a coffee? I love meeting new people, and it would be a joy to meet some new people when I go there.
- New York, New York Pt 1 (tonyandshana.wordpress.com)
The room is warmed up by summer air. I have one foot outside the duvet, and wake up to a voice next to me.
“What is it?”
“My shoulder hurts”. I pat it carefully and say softly:
“You will dream that it gets better”. He falls asleep.
A little later:
“I had a dream”
I smile, prepared for it.
“There was a man, who wanted to eat all the nuts you had!”
“I tried to stop him, but he was very determined, and I could only save half of them”. In my head, I have already made a mental picture of this stubborn man, eating the nuts in a hurry, not letting himself be stopped by any intervention. My picture is silenced by the last detail of the dream:
” He even drank my juice!”
He shakes his head in disbelief, and I squeeze his hand.
We drift into sleep again.
When I come down, my cashew nuts are truly much fewer in number than yesterday.
I hear the soft humming of a computer nearby. The sun is already up, caressing my feet who had the pleasure of justing waking up and be put in warm penguin slippers. The morning has in some ways come far too early for my still drowsy mind, but I am just filled with happiness and contentment, even if I am nauseated after the lack of sleep. I look forward to this day. I have so many things I want to do. I will probably enjoy a little more time in bed, before I dress for the sunshine outside. I long for the sunlight warming me, just lying there and listening to the silence that can be found on farmland. The beautiful, green grass, so alive and thriving, still not knowing anything about the strain our planet is under. Its task is to grow, stronger and healthy, and it does not care about issues like pollution or starvation, it is lucky enough to just be there, without a care in the world.
I will care. I will enjoy every second of my life. First my favorite green tea with orange, then just read a bit on a new book from Victoria Hislop. I also want to work more on the post that my sister will get for her birthday (hoping she doesn`t read this so that the surprise element will be ruined), and to pack out my scrapbooking stuff to make more cards (a new hobby of mine). It is sunday, I have started on two weeks of vacation, and I am already falling in love with it. I have freedom, time and happiness pasted on my heart, and will protect it like I would protect an innocent child.
Good morning, everyone.
A lot of my posts have been rather dark and gloomy, but now I want to light that up a bit with some pictures of places I dream about. I will probably not go to them this year, or maybe never, but the point is to remind myself of the good things out there, and I hope it inspires some of you too. I have so many places to still see, even if I have travelled as much as I can to countries in Europe, Asia and some in Africa (Marocco and Egypt, not sure if the last counts as it was in Hurghada). I am going to America in the autumn, and then have South-America and Australia left. Can`t wait!
Do people have recommendations for places to visit?
Thee train is pulling me further and further away from all the Britishness I learned to love on the Asia-trip. I`ve just waved goodbye to Hannah, Gemma and my fantastic friend Matt.
Gemma just had her exam, and was a bit tired, but it was hard to notice, since nothing in the world can stop her from being just marvelous. She’s one of a kind, and it was lovely seeing her. Hannah was also full of life, that she spread all around her with vigor. We talked about all we could on the hours we had, and I couldn’t feel better.
One day later, and I`m sitting on the train to Gatwick, listening to stars by Nelly furtado, which makes me calm and happy. It’s so beautiful outside; The skyline colored pink, the grass blessed with thousands small snow crystals. I’ve had my tea, warming me to the core with blissful contentment. I feel completely free and ready for whatever my destiny will bring.
Even if I didn’t get much sleep last night either, it seems like my body has adjusted to it, so that I don’t feel the tiredness. Everything was completely worth it. Life should be like this, doing what you feel without regretting anything. Seeing Gemma and Hannah was fantastic, like I hoped for.
We ate in Chinatown and then went for the most amazing unhealthy sin: Ice cream at haegens. I’ve also had a good day before that, even if my luck for practical coincidences has left me for the time (which is completely okay, since maybe my loveometer is finally ready to warm up again, after being far to occupied with staying under freezing-point at any time)
Some days later, I’m sitting in a hotel in the capital city of Norway, in a different mood. I’m waiting for a friend I will hang out without this evening, and I`m a bit restless. I’ve overslept today, since I hadn`t turned on the sound on my iPhone, so suddenly the clock was 10.00 in the morning, and I came late for the course I’m attending. Honestly, wasn’t one of my top days, since I was ‘being a therapist’ in front of the group we were divided into, and frankly became too friendly with some of my nerves. I was unfocused and almost asked questions at random.
It’s not good when you want something so much, that you lose it exactly because of it; A never-ending theme it seems. Even worse, by one more crazy coincidence, I ended up in a group where my earlier therapist was. I so look up to her, and maybe wanted to show her that I developed since I went to her, but I don’t think I managed to do anything else than make myself miserable. It was so strange to see her again, in that setting. She knew I would be there, but I hadn’t checked the attending list before, so I was one big knot of confusion and surprise when I saw her.
We got the chance to talk a little, and I said where I work, and that I’m doing good. She said: I always knew you would make it, and that was so lovely to hear. A therapist means so much to the people who come to them, and being with her gave me such respect to what a person can accomplish in somebody’s else’s life, that I always wanted to give others the same, and I wanted her to see that I’ve learned that from her, exactly HOW much she meant, but just couldn’t.
I guess we all have experiences like that, and it’s not the end of the world, but I’m still thinking about it and must probably mull it over for a while.
Some days later, and I’m not thinking too much about it. The rest of my time in Oslo was brilliant, I met old friends and also said hello to new ones. Should actually been in Førde by know, but the plane is two hours late, so there won’t be many pieces of the day left when I return. Tomorrow it’s back to work, and that will be okay. Always a little anticipation before I check who I will talk with that day. I hope that they managed fine the week I was away, and that there hasn`t been a crisis for any of them.
Hope my readers had a good weekend ?