capitalism

The price of love 

Posted on Updated on


“Get a free sample of our new mascara!”

Commercials all around us. Giveaway blogs. For many of our waking hours, we are bombadeded with tips and free samples that will make our lives better. And it works. The blogs and sites that sell things, or even allow their readers to get something for free, are popular. Search engines find your blog if you include commercial in some way or another. And people want it, they search for it for hours to get small boxes delivered to their doorstep.

Statistics show that we buy more and more commodities on the internet. Local shops have to close as people desert them. It is much easier and more practical to just push a button on a computer. I don`t want to look like a bitter saint, because I am one of eager net-shoppers and I also type in my email if I can win something. I even share pages on facebook to increase my chances of winning. Sometimes I loathe myself for it, how can I support something I know will be negative for people who have spent hours trying to build up small authentic boutiques?

In Førde, many have tried to start something new, but most of them go bankrupt before they had the time to florish. There was this lovely store with beautiful dresses and a little cafeteria surrounded by exquisite design in Førde. Flowers on the wall, that you could admire as you sipped fresh coffee and eat home-made cookies.  You could talk with friends, letting your eyes rest on cups with delicate ornaments. The boutique lasted perhaps a year before they had to throw in the towel together with their dreams. The same comes for restaurants. The big pizza places, always survive, but everyone who tries to do something different that will draw only the very curious and adventurous, realize that they have to quit when the cashflow stops. Førde was one of the first places in Norway, where the german store “Lidl” had to give up before they even began. In Førde, people like safety. Skepticism is as normal as the closed signs that pop up. I don`t want to offend anyone, as I know this is a simplification. Most people want to try new things, but there is a difference between wanting and doing. Many even get disappointed and irritated when something new disappears, like when they discover that someone else took their last piece of chocolate.

What happens when people try to give away love? Love is the most valuable commodity we have, so we should run to the store to get it. It should have a 24-7 open sign. We should talk about it: “Have you seen the latest love? People want to change the world by giving something to others!”. We should nod in happy agreement. It would be like a fairy gave us the present of a lifetime. The giveaway we don`t throw into our garbage when we grow tired of it.
Again I feel hypocrisy washing over me like detergent. Do I practice what I preach? Sometimes, yes. But like everyone else, I struggle. Luckily, I don`t have a television spitting out commercials. I spend time with books and friends, and love every minute of it. But I still get drawn in when I see the “for sale” signs. My heart pumps  extra blood to prepare me for the hunt. My pupils probably dilates to get a better overview over the racks of clothes. Then I come home and realize that the jumper didn`t fit like I hoped.

Can love not fit when you try it on? Off course.

Sometimes we don`t know how to handle it. How we get up the zipper without help. It might be to tight, leaving us out of breath.

Sometimes we want to throw it off in frustration, as if we just discovered that we look to fat in those jeans. It is an art to master love, because it really is a confusing present. When we unwrap the delicate paper, and peek inside, we can`t quite comprehend what we see. Is it something we can eat? Something to try on like shoes? Or something that we shall put on a shelf to decorate our home? Is it a genie in a bottle that grant us our wishes? And where is the user manual? We are uncertain if it will break when we try to build it, so we would simply crave a recipe for love like we crave another hamburger.

But sometimes we are satisfied. We get the same good feeling that we get after a workout followed by a healthy meal, only to discover that someone has put a giveaway-present before our front door.

How do you find giveaways like those? Normally you don`t find them in front of your doorsteps. And you can not find the answer in a manual either. We must find the building materials for love ourselves, and we cannot order the building blocks on the internet either. But we can find them by looking around us. We can sit in a park and watch a mother laughing as her daughter jumps up and down when a fluffy dog comes over. We can see an old couple that look into each other`s eyes with so much love that we glimpse eternity. We can stretch out our fingers, instead of letting them type in ebay.com.

Best of all, we can give some of our love to others. There is still hope for us. 

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Still want to push the button? Try these:

Open And Closed

Love 

Kindness to a stranger

Winner of the kindness award

Give it all away

Posted on


“Get a free sample of our new mascara!”

Commercials all around us. Giveaway blogs. For many of our waking hours, we are bombadeded with tips and free samples that will make our lives better. And it works. The blogs and sites that sell things, or even allow their readers to get something for free, are popular. Search engine optimizations put your site higher on google, if you include commercial in some way or another. And people want it, they search for it for hours to get small boxes delivered to their doorstep.

Statistics show that we buy more commodities on the internet. Local shops have to close as people desert them. It is much easier and more practical to just push a button on a computer. I don`t want to look like a bitter saint, because I am one of eager net-shoppers and I also type in my email if I can win something. I even share pages on facebook to increase my chances of winning. Sometimes I loathe myself for it, how can I support something I know will be negative for people who have spent hours trying to build up small authentic boutiques?

In Førde, many have tried to start something new, but most of them go bankrupt before we even get on our shoes and get there. There was this lovely store with beautiful dresses and a little cafeteria surrounded by exquisite design. Flowers on the wall, that you could admire as you sipped fresh coffee and eat home-made cookies.  You could talk with friends, letting your eyes settle on cups with delicate ornaments. The boutique lasted perhaps a year before they had to throw in the towel together with their dreams. The same comes for restaurants. The big pizza places, always survive, but everyone who tries to do something different that will draw only the very curious and adventurous, realize that they have to declare bankruptcy as the cashflow ends. Førde was one of the first places in Norway, where the german store “Lidl” had to give up before they even began. In Førde, people like safety. Skepticism is as usual as the closed signs that pop up. I don`t want to offend anyone, as I know this is a simplification. Most people want to try new things, but there is a difference between wanting and doing. Many even get disappointed and irritated when something new disappears, like when they discover that someone else took the last piece of chocolate.

What happens when people try to give away love? Love is the most valuable commodity we have, so we should run to the store to get it. It should have a 24-7 open sign. We should talk about it: “Have you seen the latest love? People want to change the world by giving something to others!”. We should nod in happy agreement. It would be like a fairy gave us the present of a lifetime. The giveaway we don`t throw into our garbage when we grow tired of it.
Again I feel hypocrisy washing over me like detergent. Do I practice what I preach? Sometimes, yes. But like everyone else, I struggle. Luckily, I don`t have a television spitting out commercials. I spend time with books and friends, and love every minute of it. But I still get drawn in when I see the “for sale” signs. My heart pumps some extra blood to make me ready for the hunt. My pupils probably dilates to get a better overview over the racks of clothes. Them I come home and realize that the jumper didn`t fit like I hoped.

Can love not fit when you try it on? Off course.

Sometimes we don`t know how to handle it. How we get up the zipper without help. It might be to tight, leaving us out of breath.

Sometimes we want to throw it off in frustration, as if we just discovered that we look to fat in those jeans. It is art to master love, because it really is a confusing present. When we unwrap the delicate paper, and peek inside, we can`t quite comprehend what we see. Is it something we can eat? Something to try on like shoes? Or something that we shall put on a shelf to decorate our home? Is it a genie in a bottle that grant us our wishes? And where is the user manual? We are uncertain if it will break when we try to build it, so we would simply crave a recipe for love like we crave another hamburger.

But sometimes we are satisfied. We get the same good feeling that we get after we workout and then devour a healthy meal, only to discover that someone has put a giveaway-present before our front door.

How do you find giveaways like those? Normally you don`t find them in front of your doorsteps, and if you do it will probably be dog poop. The answer to this can not be found in a manual either. We must even find the building materials ourselves, and we cannot order the needed pieces on the internet. But we can find them by looking around us. We can sit in a park and watch a mother laughing as her daughter jumps up and down when a fluffy dog comes over. We can see an old couple that look into each other`s eyes with so much love that we glimpse eternity. We can stretch out our fingers, instead of letting them type in ebay.com.

Best of all, we can give some of our love to others.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Still want to push that button? Try these:

Open And Closed

Love 

Kindness to a stranger

Winner of the kindness award

kindness found within conflict

The psychology of money

Posted on


The Psychology of Money

prismAn important contribution that Jung made to understanding the personality was its tendency to dissociate, or split into parts.  He called these parts complexes, or splinter personalities.  On occasion, a person ‘falls into’ a complex and it takes over the personality for a time.  The inferiority complex is, by now, familiar in our cultural landscape and when in the grip of this, a person feels inadequate, incompetent, weak and lowly.  Even people who have objectively achieved excellence can still be prey to feeling inferior at times.

 

At the centre of a complex are some strong feelings, which are described as archetypal due to their intensity.  They are usually out of proportion to the event that has triggered them and can carry us away, into acting in ways that we might, in a different state of mind, not countenance.  Some familiar expressions capture this well: ‘I was beside myself with rage’; ‘I don’t know what came over me’; ‘it is not like me at all to…’  The ‘cure’ for complexes is for the heart of them to find expression and understanding in a safe place, which can be psychotherapy for some people.  They take quite a bit of unravelling which is why they are called complex.  If we think of small children and how intense their feelings are, it is easier for us to think of how normal it is to behave in unacceptable ways and to understand how we socialise children into our culture.  When these strong feelings are lived and accepted, they become humanised – no longer the province of the archetypal – and then they can become more integrated into the personality and put to good use.  If, however, the feelings are repressed (rather than understood and accepted)  because they are socially unacceptable, then they move into unconscious territory where they will erupt via a complex at a later stage.  Rage is not often helpful but in its attenuated state of assertiveness or healthy anger, then it is an important part of the psychic economy that can protect and stand up for us, giving us energy to do what needs to be done.

 

Anna was born into a poor family where money was tight, but just as importantly, where there was also psychic moneyimpoverishment.  Her father spent too much of the family budget on nights down the pub and was not only emotionally unavailable to his family but when he was present, he would be rough, both verbally and physically.  Anna learnt to keep out of his way and to ‘swallow’ much of her resentment, trying her best to keep the peace and to help her mother.  When she found the capacity to come to therapy in her thirties, she would fall into her ‘money complex’.  She would become profoundly anxious that she was spending the entire family budget on herself (as her father had) and terrified that she would become dependent on the therapist (as father was dependent on alcohol) and at risk of falling apart if money ran out (which was mother’s fear for herself and the family).  The parallels between the family poverty and the current deprivation were played out with money as the currency for emotional expression.  A lot of attention was given to money transactions, including the payment of fees in the therapy, as they carried a great deal of feeling.  As links were made between the past and the present and Anna’s needs were attended to, slowly there was a shift and Anna became less anxious generally and less anxious about money in particular.  Whereas some people may need to learn to rein in their spending and become more prudent, for Anna it was the opposite and she learnt to let go a little, waste a little and to enjoy herself more.  She had plenty of resources as she was intelligent, capable, and in a good and emotionally nurturing relationship.  We began to use the symbolism of money to understand that she was rich in many ways and that her financial and emotional poverty were literally a ‘small’ part of her, that is belonging to her child self.