The sound of weaving

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Somtimes what we love with our free will is the exact thing that bring us suffering. There are numerous examples of how living in luxery, doesn`t guarantee happiness, sometimes it might even make it all worse. My life has also been filled with contradictions. I remember a person telling me once: How is it possible to be happy, when so many others suffer? How can we laugh, live like everything is allright, when it clearly isn`t for so many?

It was a fascinating and true thought from a highly intelligent girl, and my response came spontanously: That`s excactly why we have to. We can`t throw away the life so many others long for. Some come with the counterargument that this would be selfish. Before, I would immidiately felt guily, because I would believe it to be true. How can I, who have the money I need and never suffered any real traumas, continue eating, drinking and laughing when
children cry in vain becaue of hunger, thirst and pain?

The truh be told, earlier I couldn`t handle this thought, so I stayed away from the news with a fierce belief that I just weren`t interested in reading a heartless, objective summary of how many died and because of what. Instead I dove into individual stories, fascinated by all the perspectives presented to me. But still I always had this lingering guilt. Sometimes I did stupid things that hurt others, because of this guilt. It was probably some sort of self-punishment for not appreciating what I had more. Not until the two lasts years have I finally understood with BOTH heart and mind that taking care of your own need first, will give you the necessarry energy to take care of others. By this realization came relief: Now I could truly put guilt and depressive thoughts in a box for “outdated beliefs”. I don`t need to feel bad, just because I was born here in Norway. I was, by coincidence, in fact born in one of the wealthiest countries, with so many opportunities. Its like a buffet of gifts that you can choose from. Even if it feels unfair, it really just IS, and what would be REALLY wrong is not appreciating it and try to give others the same opportunity.

I have always loved to spend time with people, and frankly were quite dominating with my ideas and thought when I grew up. I enjoyed the freedom of being myself and had no shame when it came to convincing others that the new idea that opened up before me, was THE idea of the year. As i grew up, I realized that`s not who I wanted to be. It was so much better when one could present ideas at the same time as listening to others. Life can be like a tapestry with different threads. The end result is as much about weaving threads together, as finding them. I have had tons of thoughts and ideas through the years, but more than half of them were grapes not yet ripe, or even ideas produced before. A few of them were actually good enough to become a dish most people found tasty. Enough spice, but not so much it burned the throat, and cooked to a point were you have just a little resistance before it melts in your mouth. The good ideas were nothing before I gathered the right ingredients. Those were the lovely people I`ve met in my life who actually did believe in me. When my voice was quivering, like the cooks in Hell`s kitchen before their presentations, some people actually saw some potential. My voice, that started out as a whisper, grew stronger, and now I sing with my whole heart. And some might say it is selfish, that I fight for these ideas, but honestly, if it is selfish to wish to spread the things I`ve learnt about compassion, and thinking that this might actually lead to something, then maybe something is wrong with the word selfishness. Most importantly, my inner critical supervisor, has given me the thumbs up and signed the papers for the idea with a comment: If this blog inspires just ONE soul out there, I can finally rest my head a little on the bed I have, in the richest country of the world. I can rest assured that in some ways we shape our own destiny, and though I can`t help all who need it; One more genuine smile, detatched from guilt and suffering, is another ingredient for a tasty dish available for us all.