The sound of thunder
lightning strikes, and I try to soak up the energy of it. Before the storm comes, I go into hibernation. I turn off thought, feelings and my need to always do and fix everything. But I also feel I’m lacking something, because I spend more time with books than friends. I miss the rumbling sound when the lightning strikes, the proof of not knowing what will happen next. Since I’ve started working at a psychiatric ward where patient stay for about a month, I have missed really getting to know my patients. I miss the conversations where we work on issues that go deeper. Not that it isn’t important to talk about excersise, activities and sleep, but the work I really love is being together with someone in pain. Because sometimes the attitudes that surrounds me is that we have to leave the long-term work to the day clinic, and I absolutely see why this must be so. Since the patients are there for such a short time, it can be hard to go into something that we can’t continue. It can be like opening a wound that should be closed again, and I would never do that.
Fortunately I also have my private practice, and today I had two patients. One new and one that I’ve talked with three times before. I have already started to think about how I can help and understand her. I am curious if she will find a way to manage her difficult emotions, if she will feel safer when she gradually change how she reacts to situations were she doesn’t feel control is possible.
That’s when I want to stay up a bit longer than usual, to get time to think about it. Usually as I go to bed quite early. The funny thing is, that the interest that manifests itself when I think about our therapy, spills over to other areas of my life.
Before I met my two patients, I had dinner with three friends at a local restaurant. Two of the girls talked about going on a kayak trip to support a cause. In førde, there has been a massive reaction after the government decided that we will dump waste in the water. The kayak trip will be in that area, to show our support and maybe get a reaction that will stop it. Even if I haven’t been in a kayak for a long time, I realized I would love to try. Being with people when you do something new, is fantastic. When I get old, these are the moments I will look back at with fondness.
So right now I want thunder. I want to feel how it is when something happens that you you can’t ignore. When lightning strikes we sit by the windows and look out. We realize there’s a whole world out there, that produce a bright light that you still see when you close your eyelids. Those small moments that interrupts all other thoughts to such a degree that you just have to be in the now. Because this is reality. Exactly where I want to be.
The picture included was taken today. The hearts with text on them was written by children who have written what they need in their lives: A father who cares, or feeing safe when they do something they like and don’t have to worry about anything else.
Children who feel protected love to sit and watch the lightning, because they love the thrill of it. Especially if they have someone they trust that soothe them if they are scared.